


Eyes

by DeathbyIrony



Series: Otonokizaka Marching Band - Mark, Time, Mark [3]
Category: Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: Alternate Universe - Marching Band, Angst, F/F, Homophobia, I Blame Tumblr, I'm gay don't come for my weave, Internalized Homophobia, One-Sided Attraction, Why do i hurt my faves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-21
Updated: 2018-05-21
Packaged: 2019-05-09 18:44:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14721549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeathbyIrony/pseuds/DeathbyIrony
Summary: It hurts.





	Eyes

She stops. She stares, hovering above the stand. 

Why can't she just leave me alone?

Squinting her (gorgeous) eyes at the page, I know she knows it. She knows I know it. Why does the lingering thought keep on taunting me? I just want it to stop. Her soft smile, her posture, her smell, and the way she points her finger at the paper…

“You're playing that note wrong. Mind your key signature.”

“Yes, master.” 

I couldn't close the door before it slipped through. 

“I told you to not address any of us by that, Umi. It's just degrading.”

Everything about her is a swirl of sight, of sound. My throat tastes of bile.

“Sorry.”

 

Why did I need to fall in love with Eli Ayase?

 

“You'd probably sound great on the harp,” she beckons. We're alone again, before the school's first bell has rung. “Someone should be playing it next year!”

The bile is back, forming a lump in my throat. I can't get close, but she's captivating. Nonetheless, I find the ability to hum out a tone of disapproval as my fingers stroke against the gentle wood of the case. 

“No, I don't think that's the best idea.”

Eli takes a glance at me, her (majestic) eyes trying to lock with mine as they run away. “Why? You'll be section leader next year,possibly the leader of the entire band. Expand your horizons, Sonoda,” she replies as my head softly shakes. 

“Rin will surely be section leader next season,” I protest. “Look at how much she's improved over just a month. I'm satisfied with this and timpani.”

Hummmmm. Almost tauntingly, she holds out the tone, only to abandon her position in her seat. “You still need to learn, come here.” 

Eli Ayase is a succubus, glowing white in the sunrise cast in by the window. I can't help but to be drawn near, and before I realize, I'm in the throne with her warmth as a blanket. 

“Now, you place your fingers here, and plucking is almost like you do in archery…” 

Each touch of her fingers to mine is bitter. It burns. It stings. It feels so good, and I just want to hold them despite how much it will burn. The room is too much, and tears sting my eyes. My chest pings, except no, my heart is too weak to make a beat that loud.

“Better hurry to class, Sonoda,” I finally hear echoed by the door. I already know it's Eli, and suddenly, I'm cold.

 

 

She's shameless enough for me to hate her, but not enough to stop loving her. If the letters of admiration taped to her locker are any indication, this feeling isn't just mine alone. Yet, they'll never understand what runs deeper. 

“Umiiii!” 

I turn, only to be tackled.

“Ready for practice tonight?” Honoka grins that same cheeky grin I've known all my life. (Why couldn't I like that one instead?) 

“Honoka! We'll be late to class.” 

I have escaped her (beautiful) eyes once again.

However, time slips away and the current moment gradually morphs into third period, a new question being introduced by some girl in the back.

“Sensei, isn't being gay legal in English countries?” 

The look crossing upon the teacher's face said it all. “Yes, homosexuality and… same sex marriage is protected in most countries we'd use English in. Now, the pa-"

“I know gay sex is fine here and all, but why do they wanna be so liberal about it?”

Noise fills the room- some of approval, some of disdain. My eyes stealthily darting around, they land on Eli, her (icy) eyes thinned slightly.

Eli Ayase is unreadable, but she does her best to get a point across regardless. Over the yelling, her pleas to stop treating this so politically were present in the violent swirl. I pretend to be writing, but it's hard to hide the fact that I can’t see anything under the water flooding my eyes. Thank God I was assigned a seat in the back.

 

Rain has come another day (but it'll clear up by practice). Where does it all go once the storm is through? 

Eventually, back to the sea. Maybe I could go there someday to sleep with the fishes.

It's odd, though- despite my name, I've never held much of a relationship with the ocean. 

Names are something received, along with every other part of ourselves.

Including her (deep) eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> I tried my hand at accurately portraying homophobia, internalized or otherwise, and I guess it came out okay. (Im gay don't come for my weave)
> 
> This may get a second chapter, who knows! Feel free to leave feedback; hope you enjoy!
> 
> Timeline: Day 52.


End file.
